Dear friends, I believe that people do not get what they want out of their lives and suffer, for 3 main reasons, which are (apart from health issues and natural disasters):
1. They don’t know how to earn money
2. They don’t know how to love
3. They don’t know how to believe in themselves
These are, according to my view, the 3 most important life skills one should possess, yet they are not taught in schools.
With regard to money, we learn from our environment that “money corrupts people” and that “rich people are ruthless and immoral”, therefore, by internalizing such ideas and beliefs we, either consciously or unconsciously, avoid making profits, earning money, so that we don’t become bad people ourselves. In addition, we may earn money and then kick it out, loose it quite easily as a result of self-sabotage, spend it frivolously, don’t chase it with enough effort, consider it unworthy, look down on it and so on.
You may have heard of the “law of attraction”; it says that “-whatever you think about, tends to expand!”. Thus, when you have negative thoughts you tend to attract negative outcomes, whereas positive thinking gives rise to abundance in every aspect of your life. But, is this true? Does the law of attraction really work, and if yes how?
As Bob Proctor, the well-known success coach and author says, the law of attraction is in fact the “law of vibration”, meaning that things are attracted when their “vibrations” resonate with each other. For instance, if you are thinking of your financial struggles, you tend to attract similarly-minded people to your life, with whom you may share your worries, thus reinforcing a negative thinking pattern to reproduce along with corresponding situations.
Sometimes our vibrations, the “messages” we send out to the external world, are unconscious, stemming from our emotional luggage. Negative emotions carried over for a long period of time (guilt, shame, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety) lead us to vibrate at low (negative) frequencies; instead, positive emotional states such as gratitude, confidence, contentment, joy, hope and love, produce higher (positive) vibrations, thus bringing about positive outcomes in our life.
Dear readers, quite often the various obstacles we come across in our efforts to succeed, are the result of other peoples’ influences. People in our environment, relatives, friends, schoolmates, colleagues may exert some sort of, subtle, influence on us. The eminent personal development guru, Jim Rohn said “your income is the average of the income of the 5 people you meet most frequently in your everyday life”. In a similar vein, Deepak Chopra (the well-known physician and author) said “your degree of happiness is the average of the happiness levels of the 5 most important people in your life”.
But, how does this happen? I believe, people get attuned to each other’s “frequency”. Imagine there are two pianos in an empty room; we hit the note “G” (Sol) on the first piano and, almost instantly, the corresponding string of the second piano vibrates at the same tone, producing the same sound. Now, can you imagine the same scenario happening between people (instead of pianos) and their feelings? Affective states have been found to be contagious, thus one’s emotional state (or “energy vibration”, if your prefer the more “metaphysical” version) can be transferred to another person.
In our modern life, there are a lot of things that might cause anger to us! Various incidents, people who disappoint us, the fact that we don’t like ourselves sometimes, are some of the sources leading to anger and frustration. Anger is a healthy emotion provided that it is kept within healthy boundaries… The scope of anger is to focus our attention on something important that is happening, which might be a potential threat. Thus, anger is a “red light” turned on to signal that we should protect ourselves from a dangerous situation (e.g. in case we are unfairly treated, thus it is likely we will be taken advantage of, and so on).
Yet, excessive and prolonged anger can literally destroy our life! It leads us to fight with almost everyone in the world: our friends, relatives, parents, colleagues, clients. We lose people who are valuable to us. And the most important thing is that we lose our own peace and balance, the prerequisites of our well-being.
But how can we, practically, cope with anger?
The reason why we don't attract the people we desire (eg. romantic partners) is because we are not "in tune" with them. What does this mean? It means that when we are angry, disagreeable, critical, and competitive we tend to attract partners with the same characteristics. You see, "birds of a feather flock together", meaning that similar people tend to associate with each other. Thus, what you attract in your life reflects something in yourself. You may like this "part" of yours or not; furthermore, you may even be unaware of its existence, as you probably have been hiding it for a long time. Yet, it manifests in the people you come across (the reason being to help you gain greater awareness, so that you can learn how to deal with it, grow as a person, and move forward).
When our self-confidence is low, we do not pursue the things we really desire, but rather stick to those that offer us a sense of security and stability. We act in a defensive way, thus protecting ourselves from potential losses and threats to our self-esteem. For instance, we avoid asking for a promotion, more money from our clients or talking to a person we are attracted to! We don't want to risk failure! Also, we may be fearful of success (improving our current state) because it is something new that will force us to exit our comfort-zone, thus it might be stressful.
Furthermore, low self-confidence does not allow us to continue our efforts when facing adversities. We easily quit, thus confirming our initial (self-limiting) belief that we are "not capable" or that we are "vulnerable".
But what is self-confidence? A simple description would be to consider it as a composite factor encompassing two main beliefs: 1. "I CAN" and 2. "I DESERVE". If we believe in ourselves, in our abilities and we think "we can do it", then we keep our attention focused on our goals, insist on what we are doing, develop suitable plans, make use of our resources, until we finally end up with success!